You made it to retirement, now what? Having something to look forward to may be just the ticket. We all do better when the days aren’t cookie-cutter scheduled, like work may have been or eventually become. Think back on being six and waiting for Christmas or your birthday. You started counting down the days. You felt the excitement in the air. Each day closer was another day richer: one day was balloons or a tree; the next day decorations and packages; and the day of the event was a cake or a filled stocking and a spread of all of your favorite treats. Big deal days like these are hard to beat, especially as the years pass and the special occasion magic fades.
One’s social circle may decrease after working several decades and be compounded with a smaller group of go-to gal pals if retirement is accompanied by a divorce, a deceased spouse, and/or recently lost loved ones. This means fewer people remain that you know for getting together. You may have given your all to your career and are left with fewer non-work-related friends; you may feel that the people you can reach out to are more far than near. You may have convinced yourself that you are independent, and that’s okay. But going everywhere alone, like going to the movies, has lost its shimmer, just to return home alone where no one is waiting, and dinner is a can of soup for one. Pets may be nice, but we are social beings, created to interact with other human beings, enjoy one another, and add flavor to one another’s lives. This is a great time to turn to our community of senior soul sistas in the struggle of keeping active and engaged and staying relevant. If that community is absent, don’t worry, you can build one. We don’t need to put on a brave face to mask our lonely hearts, however.
The sooner we realize that we have a lot more living to do, the sooner we can start to thrive by filling up our calendars again with events and escape some degree of boredom that the tasks and meaning that come from working provide. Having something to look forward to on the regular makes us thrive in later life and gives us purpose. A cluster of sistas who are similarly situated can sweep away the lonely, empty days with engaging activities like a book club; bridge and bingo; and ballroom dancing or Zumba. Make a little effort and reach out so you can hang out. Having an active social calendar will celebrate who you are and how you are newly situated: maybe retired but, with some planning, not isolated. Try one or all of these and thrive in your golden years.
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Unless you were an English major in college, get it through your head that book club is not only about the book. Seeing and being seen is equally valid and valuable. Read the book to the end, if you choose, but don’t be surprised if a regular meeting with others triggers feelings about any aspect of socializing that you didn’t realize you had. You may have feelings of joy over new friends or slight depression over the loss of your 9-to-5. With time you may develop curiosity about how your club’s members have been navigating the other 29 or 30 days through the ups and downs of living while no longer working.
Memories of busier days and possibly decades with time to fill but not sure of how, sometimes gives senior sistas a lot of mixed emotions, uncertainty, or plain confusion. The real meaning of book club becomes more group therapy and support than the surface exploration of a plot twist. You will realize that you still have more of your own story to tell and sufficient creativity and bravery to reinvent yourself for this new chapter in your life: retirement. Book club may lead you to a once-a-month meeting of intelligent and interesting folks who by the end of the meeting have solved all the world’s problems and listened with compassion to yours. Keep reading by all means if this is a good way for you to socialize that gives you something to look forward to: “social you” in real-time.
If reading the cover is enough for you and book clubs aren’t your thing, maybe games other than solitaire on your computer, Sunday newspaper crossword puzzles, or dull word searches are more suited to your personality type and interest. Whether it’s bridge or bingo, many folks in their golden years find joy in these two pastimes. Both are social and both help you to get out and meet or interact with people.
Decide whether you’d like to learn the complex rules and tricks of bridge with a partner. Or, you may not want to have to concentrate too hard but have many moments of fun and excitement and see a wider net of associates from your community or church with bingo once a week. With either one, you can count on someplace you choose to be. Heavy or light, these and other games with groups, like pickle ball, golf, walking, ballroom dancing lessons, or Zumba, mean you don’t have to spend your days alone with endless, empty hours. Pretty soon you’ll develop a few activity partners and a group of golden-aged people who want to have fun.
Your social calendar and friendship circle will expand exponentially. With weekly activities you enjoy, you’ll soon know that when it’s a certain time on a given day they’re calling your name to play or go do something. Even more important, you’ll have somewhere you want to be and be excited about your next meeting. Think of it as a group date: light, enjoyable, and fun for the sake of fun. Group activities provide an opportunity to get out and about at a regular place and time you can count on.
Where there’s food, fellowship can flourish. This is the wonder and fun of being a “lady who lunches”. Eating together with friends is a great way to keep in touch and socialize. It also fills that gap of time, your lunch break, that you had while working that you may have taken for granted for its social value.
The people from your calendar of activities make good prospective company for sharing a meal together. One-on-one or in a small group of like-minded seniors from the groups you are involved in gives you the chance to get to know other participants better by meeting regularly over a meal.
Spread out the company and go out to eat as much or as little as you like (and at the types of venues your budget and waistline can handle). Make it an adventure and have fun. Explore different kinds of cuisine. You might even start a supper club and share a potluck feast with all of your friends on occasion.
From brunch to dinner, breaking bread is a great way to get fed physically and stay connected socially. Why not? You’ve got to eat. With or without a significant other, being a “lady who lunches” can be fun and social. Most of all, foodie or committed Weight Watchers point counter, you don’t have to dine alone.
There’s a reason they call senior citizen years the golden age—it’s a truly magnificent stage in your life to celebrate you, what you’ve done, and who you’ve become. Now, in this season of life, it’s about thriving, not surviving. If you have found that you are keeping more to yourself and tending to isolate yourself after retirement, think about how you’d like to spend your golden years. Fill them with something to look forward to, be it social, mental, or physical, and you will have a next chapter filled with living your best life for many years to come.
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