Women are nurturers by nature and men are natural problem solvers, but neither sex is an aficionado in sexuality naturally. Sexual skill has to be learned and education must be obtained in order for a couple to truly experience its fullest sexual potential. But what happens if a couple has reached a point when all of their known answers just don’t seem to cut it for the sexual issues within their dynamic?
Some write off the issues as lost causes and refrain from engaging in sexual activity while others decide to deflect the issues as if they do not exist. Sexuality is a sensitive subject for most because the subject touches on the very essence of man, and often when issues within the bedroom surface they draw out insecurities that can cause embarrassment. It’s safe to say that the average couple doesn’t have the knowledge to remedy their sex issues on their own, however, many couples within the African American community rarely acknowledge the importance of seeking help outside of the home for issues about sexuality.
The word “ sex therapy” often evokes feelings of inadequacy and dysfunction in the mind of the average person of color, but it is a stigma that must be eradicated in order for couples who are dealing with sexual issues to move past detrimental blocks. Enlisting the help of an individual trained in how to work through sexual issues is just what is needed for the couple on the brink of destruction. So how does one go about transforming their mind from a negative outlook on therapy to a positive one?
Take ownership of having limited knowledge.
We commonly believe that sexual knowledge comes natural, but in reality it doesn’t. Like anything else, acquiring sexual knowledge takes time and effort in seeking out valid educational sources. Taking ownership of a lack of knowledge is the first step in realizing help is needed.
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Realize internalizing problems adds to the issue.
The ego has a way of making one believe that he has everything together, and instead of reaching out for help about issues that plagues the mind the problem is suppressed and dealt with internally. Holding on to problematic thoughts and energy doesn’t bring solutions. Speaking with a therapist will help with sorting through the issues.
Question the doubting voice.
There will always be a sense of doubt that creeps into the mind when one is on the cusp of change, but questioning that voice by checking in with “the now” will remedy any concerns with feeling insecure about reaching out for help.
Remember a healer’s good intentions.
Therapists have a natural gift for healing – as well as training – and they have every good intention in helping others balance out their lives to live more abundantly. By realizing the person on the other end of the phone or sitting across from you has nothing but good intentions in helping you through your issues, a level of trust can be established.
Sexual dysfunction is common among long-term couples, but it doesn’t have to take up permanent residence within relationships. To find a sex therapist or sex coach in your area visit http://www.aasect.org/referral-directory.
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If you’re in a relationship, it’s usually most helpful to involve your partner in meetings with your sex therapist. You and your partner may be assigned a series of homework exercises, such as:
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.sexperttyomi.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi and the all-new “Glamazon Tyomi’s Sex Academy” radio show here.
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