Good friends are hard to come by. So when we find them and form a friendship, the last thing we want to imagine is it falling apart. But the reality is that, as we evolve, not every friendship will stand the test of time. So, in addition to your gut feeling, here are some signs that it might be time to end the friendship.
Remember when y’all were like Gayle and Oprah and everything was all good? You would talk on the regular and make plans to hang out and catch up because you naturally enjoyed each other’s company. You did it because you wanted to.
But somewhere down the line, a shift happened that no one saw coming, and these days, you just don’t hit it off the way you used to. There’s been no argument or shady business, yet the vibe is always off, and the energy won’t let up.
Maybe one of you is always “busy,” and when you do speak, the conversations are shorter and less meaningful. Or maybe you stopped sharing the same interests that once brought you together and now realize that you don’t have much in common outside of those interests.
Liking different things is fine; that’s a part of what makes us unique. But if you have no desire to restore the bond, there may be a genuine lack of interest in the friendship. In that case, there’s no sense in forcing it.
RELATED: 4 Simple Ways To Rekindle A Friendship
Like relationships, friendships can also lose that “spark” over time, but even more so if they weren’t built on anything solid to begin with. In other words, some of us met our friends when we weren’t (even close to) the best versions of ourselves.
Think of what stage of life you were in when the friendship started. Were you childhood friends, or did you meet as adults? As we evolve, our priorities change.
Ask yourself, “If we met today, would we still be compatible?” If the answer is no, chances are you’ve outgrown the friendship and are likely holding on to it only because of the history you’ve built together.
In successful friendships, there is balance and mutual engagement. In yours, if you don’t reach out, there will be no communication. If you don’t make plans, there will be no trip (you get where I’m going).
If you’re always the one to make the first move or put in all the effort, it may be time to move on (or at least fall back a little and let them initiate some things). If not, you’ll be left feeling undervalued for your effort and generosity. Friendships (or any other relationship) should never be one-sided.
Remember: “If they wanted to, they would.”
Any “friend” who is always competing with you (or vice versa) is a red flag. All this leads to is toxic comparison, jealousy, and eventually resentment.
For example, they are always trying to one-up you or be the center of attention. This could also look like measuring each other’s possessions, social status, and so on. It’s one thing to be inspired by a friend’s accomplishments. But when competition overshadows support, it becomes more like a rivalry than a friendship, undermining trust and collaboration within the dynamic.
Are they always involved in drama that could’ve been avoided? Do they lack accountability and blame others for their misfortune? Do they seem to reach out only to dump their problems on you, as if life isn’t “life-ing” for you too? (You’d be surprised at what therapy and self-evaluation can do.)
It’s hard to admit when friends have a negative impact on us because… they’re our friends, and we care about our relationship with them. But if we are constantly left feeling drained and stressed out around them, holding on to the friendship does way more harm than good. Protect your peace (and maybe suggest a journal).
RELATED: How To Recognize A Toxic Friend
As we know, many things could seriously wreck a friendship, like public humiliation, spreading rumors, or betraying trust. And (let’s be honest), whether or not these things get brushed aside usually depends on the length of the friendship, tolerance levels, etc.
But holding on to a friendship that has been damaged beyond repair will likely only cause tension to rise over time. If it’s unfixable, it’s unhealthy and needs to be let go.
You aren’t obligated to stay in friendships that hinder your growth or no longer serve you. Connect with those who are better aligned and form healthy new friendships—the kind you won’t have to second guess.
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