Hearing your partner say they have a serious disease like prostate cancer, which disproportionately affects Black men, can be devasting. You’re challenged with wanting to be strong for him, but also dealing with your own emotions.
Although it can be challenging and take a toll on both you and your partner, it is important to note that most people who develop prostate cancer do not die from it, according to the American Cancer Society.
Here are four things you should know if your partner was diagnosed with prostate cancer.
Your doctor will help your partner choose the best treatment based on the type and stage of cancer they have, their age, and other health conditions they may have.
Treatment options include:
Your partner will also work closely with an oncologist.
RELATED: Prostate Cancer: Should You Take the ‘Watch and Wait’ Approach?
Depending on the type of prostate cancer treatment your partner is undergoing, he may experience a range of side effects, the American Cancer Society notes.
These include:
Are you and your partner looking to expand your family? This is a good time to talk to your partner’s doctor about options to preserve fertility, SELF notes.
During prostate surgery, the prostate and seminal vesicle, which helps sperm navigate the ejaculatory duct, are often removed. This will make it difficult to conceive without medical intervention because your partner will no longer be able to ejaculate sperm.
Radiation can also damage your partner’s testicles and impair sperm production and fertility.
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“The hardest thing to cope with when your partner has prostate cancer is that you cannot take it away or fix it for them,” clinical psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life, tells SELF.
Your partner may be worrying about loss of virility, how their body will function after treatment, and how they’ll be perceived—or how they’ll perceive themselves.
So what can you do to support your partner?
Tamar Gur, M.D., Ph.D., a psychiatrist at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, tells SELF that it’s important to make sure that those who are in outside circles don’t “dump” on those in inner circles.
To further clarify, she says your partner’s brother shouldn’t complain to you about his fear of seeing your partner in a sick state.
“You need all your strength to support your partner,” Dr. Gur explains. “You only want help and support to come inwards.”
If you find that being an emotional rock for your partner is taking an emotional toll on you, try finding a friend or therapist you can confide in.
You may be afraid of saying the wrong thing, however, your partner will appreciate you showing up for appointments holding their hand, and being there for them if they experience side effects.
“Cancer treatment is a very lonely and scary process,” Dr. Gur adds. “Showing up and showing acts of love and kindness are the most helpful things you can do when someone is going through an ordeal like this.”
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