Dating is hard enough as it is. Now, pile on mental health issues stemming from his or her past and its a recipe for disaster. So instead of finding out later that the person you’re dating may have some mental health problems that you didn’t sign up for, here are a few questions you should ask and they should answer early on.
Plus, these are great questions to ask anyone you just meet or your boo after some time has passed to see if he/she still feels the same way or if anything has changed. Also, we suggest asking these questions in person vs. text or DM.
Why: Is the person about to make any major life changes e.g., leave their $200K/year job to go back to school? What’s their attitude to their work? Do they see it as just a job, or are they primarily motivated by climbing the career ladder? It also gives you a peek into their work ethic and what goals they have for themselves.
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Why: Different vacation preferences or amounts of vacation time can be a major source of ongoing incompatibility. For example, if one person likes to take very long trips and the other person has a more standard two weeks vacation time.
Why: This question helps establish if your date has a positive or negative attitude. If asking this question leads to five solid minutes of them complaining, you’ll know the person sees the glass as half empty.
Also, if anything out of the ordinary has happened that might be affecting your date’s mood, it’s good to factor this in.
Why: When you enter a relationship with someone you’re also entering a relationship with their friends. Also, it’s nice to give your date an opportunity to answer a question that isn’t directly about them.
Why: If one of you doesn’t like pets and the other has 3 dogs, that’s likely to be a problem. Science has shown that depending on your preference for a pet, you are prone to get along with certain types of people. Sometimes, very strong “dog people” don’t get along with very atypical “cat people.”
Why: This question shows you’re open to sharing. On a first date go for a friendly tone rather than an intimate tone when asking this question. If the person is against it, he or she may be against sharing in life or have some sort of issue with sharing from his/her past.
Why: This shows you’re considerate of other people’s comfort. Don’t be afraid to
change plans if you arrive at a restaurant and find it’s too noisy for a good conversation.
Why: Are they very involved with their family of origin? Is this something that appeals to you or not? Are their family intrusive?
Why: Helps you plan future dates but also gives you an opportunity to choose not to pursue dating someone who has very incompatible food preferences from you.
Why: You likely have a preference one way or the other.
Why: Do they spend a lot of money or time collecting something?
Why: Whatever you’re really passionate about, do they respect it? For example, gardening, going to concerts, gaming, etc.
Why: Tells you something about whether they seek out new experiences.
Why: The main point here is not to jump to assumptions about your date’s politics. If you jump to an assumption that they have the same political views as you, they might feel too awkward to say that their politics are different.
Why: This gives you a glimpse into what the person really loves to do. Not just in their spare time, but really makes them happy. If it’s something strange, then you may want to back off.
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