You notice unusual changes in your mom, like forgetting how to get home from the grocery store, or not remembering how to work the microwave. You take her to the doctor and the diagnosis is dementia, possibly Alzheimer’s disease. Now is the time to talk to her and plan ahead for when she may be unable to make decisions for herself.
It may seem premature to initiate a discussion with a relative who is in the early stages of memory loss. After all, they are still independent and managing well. But dementia causes a gradual decline in reasoning, thinking and memory. You need to make plans with your loved one while they are still thinking clearly.
Discussing budget, finances and health care plans with a parent or other relative is not an easy conversation. The person with memory loss might be in denial or upset about losing their independence. They might not appreciate the role reversal of a child or grandchild managing their affairs. They might be suspicious of you or paranoid, which are personality changes associated with dementia.
But having the discussion early on allows your loved one to make decisions while they have the “legal capacity,” to understand and sign legal documents. Let your loved one know you want to be sure you can carry out their wishes. Imagine how hard it will be for you to advocate for them without this information when they lose their memory.
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To get a clear understanding of your loved one’s financial situation and healthcare preferences, find out about the following topics:
Losing the ability to manage finances is one of the first signs of Alzheimer’s disease. If a loved one has bills stacking up, gets calls from collection agencies or is making unusual purchases, they may need help managing their finances. To get a full view of their finances, look at the following documents:
To help manage the budget:
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An advanced directive is a legal document that explains how you want medical decisions made if you cannot make them yourself. It is prepared while the person has the ability to understand the document and make rational decisions.
The advanced directive goes into effect when you are incapacitated and cannot make decisions. The health care directive might include:
The power of attorney document should specify that the power is durable. If the power of attorney does not state that it is durable, it ends if the patient becomes incapacitated.
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Documents outlining how to handle financial matters also must be created while a person has the legal capacity to make their own decisions. Advance directives for financial and estate management include:
Medical release form: sign a medical records release form at the doctor’s office to be sure a friend or relative who is helping coordinate care will be able to see their health records. If a person with memory loss has more than one person assisting with their care, such as a spouse and adult children, each person must be mentioned in a release.
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Over time, the person with memory loss will become less independent and require help from caregivers. Research the cost of care for things such as:
Consider all your financial resources including
Taking the costs and your budget into consideration, create a care plan for your loved one. Can they remain at home with help from a caregiver? If the budget permits, would they be happier moving to an assisted living center with social and entertainment activities?
If you are supporting a person with dementia, the doctor’s office will help with the health care directives. If the medical practice includes a social worker, that person might complete the forms or refer you to local resources.
Most of the documents mentioned above involve simply filling out and signing forms. If you need an elder law attorney or other assistance, here are a few resources:
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