As a parent watching my daughter grow up, it hasn’t always been easy to determine if I was nurturing her self-esteem enough or too much. It’s a balancing act if you are a parent to figure out the best ways to help your kids have high self-esteem.
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“Much of a child’s identity is formed early based on their experiences and environment. Therefore, it is imperative for parents and other adults to understand how much of an impact their interactions, positive or negative, can have on a child’s psyche,” says Chicago-based psychologist and licensed therapist, Angela Ali, PhD. She adds, “With effective resources, parents can learn to apply discipline without undermining their identity.”
Babies quickly form memories and patterns in their mind based on their interactions with parents. According to Dr. Ali, “When parents nurture and encourage their children’s gifts early on, they have a much greater chance of developing confidence in their abilities and overall goals.”
Here are some ways to help put your child on the path to confident, well-adjusted adult:
1. Pay attention to your child’s interests and nurture them. Each child is unique. Help them find something they love. When your child uncovers their passion, it builds their self-esteem and pride which increases their self-confidence. These hobbies or interests can also help them connect with others if they may not fit in at school as they build confidence in their particular expertise. Dr. Ali advises parents to be wary of encouraging interests that are more aligned with what the parents desire.“It is not fair to live through your children, and the child will likely grow to resent this.”
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2. Don’t compare your child to others. Children are sensitive. There is constant competition among children based on intelligence, looks, athleticism and popularity. It can be easy as a parent to fall into this comparison trap. “This can be especially true when it comes to parents or other adults making comparisons among siblings. This type of comparison can actually fuel sibling rivalry into adulthood,” shares Dr. Ali. The best thing you can do for your child is let them know that you value their talents and for who they are as individuals.
3. Screen your child’s friends. I made it a priority to have my daughter’s friends come over to our house. I participated in carpooling and interacting with her peers as much as possible. It gave me lots of insight into who her friends were and what goals they had in life. Your kid’s friends can usher them into positive or negative areas so make sure your children are building friendships with the right people. Also, observe your child’s disposition following interactions with their friends. Dr. Ali advises that it’s also important to screen the environment of a friend’s household. All too often, she says, children are “dropped off” for sleepovers and playdates without parents meeting the hosting parent(s). This will help you determine which of these friendships are healthy and positive for them.
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4. Let your child fail. Your role as a parent is to protect your children. You don’t want them to get hurt or go through the difficulties you may have experienced. But, every time you intervene and solve their problems, you interfere with their development. Success comes to your kids as they learn to overcome obstacles. If you continually remove obstacles, your children don’t find out how to figure out things for themselves. You kid will grow into a healthy, functioning adult but this can happen if you don’t always rescue them. Failure is part of your child’s growth and builds their self-esteem. “Children are generally more resilient than we believe they are, and they will tend to believe in themselves to the extent that their parents do. Be aware of your own fears so that you don’t unconsciously introduce the same in your children,” Dr. Ali says.
5. Teach them to help others. There is more happiness in giving than receiving. When you make a difference in someone’s life, it’s a great feeling. Kids increase their self-esteem when they do the same. Teach them to share their toys with others. Teach them how to volunteer in the community. By helping others, these are ways you can empower your child and assist them to build higher self-esteem.
Teaching kids to have high self-esteem is something you can start at any time in your child’s development. Doing so will help them to grow into happy adults with high self-esteem.
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