While most people are looking to connect with family and friends, others are bracing themselves for the waves of sadness that grieving a loved one during the holidays can bring. There are small but mighty ways you can show support for those who are dealing with loss and grief. Here are six ways to show you care this holiday season:
A person dealing with grief can often feel stagnant. Understandably, they may be struggling to move beyond their loss while watching others go on with normal activities. To connect, you can say, ‘I’ve been thinking about you. How have you been feeling since the loss of XX?’
Once they’ve shared, keep it at ‘I hear you’ or simply offer a hug and let them know they can talk about it anytime they want. Giving them space to talk freely goes a long way, especially when you do it without believing we have to take their pain away or do anything to fix it. It can be extremely relieving for them.
Whether you’re far away from your grieving loved one or they just want to be alone, a quick note can go a long way. An email or text can show them you’re thinking of them during the holidays.
The messages should highlight positivity and focus on lifting their spirits, not what they’ve lost. Remind them in subtle ways that grieving is a life-long process, but the pain will diminish over time, especially with the help of surrounding friends and family.
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It’s easy to tell someone who’s grieving to call you if they need anything during the holidays, but more than likely they won’t. Not only is it against our culture to willingly burden others with our problems, but we especially don’t want to unload our sorrow onto anyone during what’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.
After the loss, people are often supported for a short few days or weeks. But then people get on with their own lives and the grieving are left with their loss. This is usually when the depression creeps in. The last thing they want to do is invite someone into their pain.
Instead of leaving the option open-ended, try offering something concrete and purposeful that will help lift their mood. Asking if you can stop by and cook dinner or taking their kids off their hands so they can do a bit of holiday shopping or perform a type of self-care.
Perhaps one of the most common misconceptions of what grieving people need, people tend to avoid talking about their loved one who passed away to not conjure sad feelings associated with the loss.
It can be very healing to hear other people tell stories or share funny memories about the departed and for the grieving to be able to do the same. Just make sure that you asses their mood first and make sure that the timing is right.
Additionally, it might even be helpful to practice your story before being in the grieving person’s presence, so you don’t say anything that may be insensitive.
The holidays can be particularly challenging for those who are grieving because of previously established traditions that may now be too painful to continue. If they have the energy, try doing something new moving forward.
Work with them to curate new memories and create a different tradition or practice that serves as a holding place for their grief, as well as helps them honor the life of their lost loved one.
Perhaps volunteering at a local food pantry or starting a food or toy drive for families in need can be a great tribute and means of paying it forward during a difficult time of year. This activity of extending care and concern to others is a positive means to manage grief and sadness as you transfer your energy to someone else’s well-being versus your own feelings.
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It’s easy to show up once or twice immediately after the loved one’s passing, but consistency is key when supporting someone who is grieving.
Checking in periodically without smothering the grieving person is a supportive way to let them know that you are there and that you care. Your consistency is the difference between feeling sorry for them and showing you care about them as a person. And it also shows them that you understand grief is a life-long process, not a phase that just stops over time.
We hope these tips help your friend or family member with their grief this season. Happy holidays!
Jasmine Browley holds an MA in journalism from Columbia College Chicago, and has contributed to Ebony, Jet and MADE Magazine among others. So, clearly, she knows some stuff. Follow her digital journey @JasmineBrowley.
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