As violence continues to erupt across the nation – like the White nationalist rally which took place in Charlottesville, Virginia which left three dead and over 30 others injured – you may be asking yourself, ‘how do I talk to my children about the racially-fueled event or racism in general?’ Whether you’re raising preschool-aged children or teenagers, the discussion is more vital now than ever. We must both prepare and protect our kids, ensuring they grow up to be compassionate and loving individuals. It may feel overwhelming and at times impossible, combating TV screens and newsfeeds filled with images of chaos and terror.
If you’re anything like me – raised in a diverse family and stuck – or simply don’t know where to start, experts weigh in on how they would approach discussing racism with kids, age by age.
Preschoolers
Young children “are very vulnerable and can take what you say very literally,” suggests Dr. Elizabeth Henry, Founder of Dr. Liz Consulting. The youth expert explained, “You have to be very careful what you say and limit their exposure to the media. If they overhear something they don’t understand and ask you a question, don’t ignore them but answer them succinctly.”
When inquiring about events they may see on TV such as rioting and rallying, “there is no need for detail,” added Henry.
School aged children
When talking to elementary aged children, keep in mind that they “begin to have more logical, organized and flexible thinking,” Dr. Eboni Hollier, a pediatrician who is board certified in both Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics as well as General Pediatrics, tells BlackDoctor.org. “School age children begin to become more aware of and more sensitive to racial stereotypes. This awareness may come from their exposure to the media or simply the experiences they have in their environment.”
Doctor Hollier explained, “They learn more from the world around them such as through school and extracurricular activities, which is a shift from parents being nearly sole teachers during the preschool years. As such, the way you communicate with them should reflect their changing cognitive development and [their ability] to reason better.”
For example, “your child may have seen someone being treated unfairly. If your child mentions this, that is an opportunity for you to discuss with him why he may think the person was treated unfairly and how he feels about it. If your child does not ask or share directly, use current events such as the recent events in Charlottesville, to jump start the conversation,” continued Hollier.
Begin with asking specific questions, says Hollier. “’How does what is happening make you feel?’” and ‘Why do you think the people out there feel the way they do?’ are all good places to start. “These types of questions are open and may lead to a conversation that you both can learn from. When you take the time to ask your child questions and really listen to his responses, he understands that you are there for them and that you really care and are interested in what he says, feels, and thinks. This will go a long way in helping to keep the conversation going.”
Teenagers
By time your children are on the verge of entering adulthood, they “will have their own racial biases,” Jarret Patton MD FAAP and Founder of DoctorJarret.com, tells BlackDoctor.org. “Embracing diversity as a concept, as in discussion, and by demonstration, as in having a diverse network of friends, helps alleviate the bias. Having follow up questions with television and media events asking why they think an event happened or asking about their feelings about a certain event can go a long way towards inclusivity.”
Of course, another important tool, is being an example in your home, workplace and being present in your child’s school environment, including extracurricular activities.
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