Learning how to maintain healthy relationships can be very difficult. Studying and being involved makes this task even harder for college students’ classes. Building lasting relationships with individuals around you, like friends, family, peers, and romantic partners, has many challenges. Communication skills can make or break relationships.
This is why many therapists and couples’ counselors put so much emphasis on establishing healthy communication skills. Here are some tips for communicating that will build lasting relationships:
The things you are not saying are just as important as the words you do say, especially when communicating with close friends or a partner. The tone and volume of your voice can completely change the message of what you are trying to communicate. Be wary of how your voice and volume may alter when your mood is not right.
Tone and volume are forms of non-verbal communication. Body language is another form of non-verbal communication. Defensive or aggressive body language can be intimidating, discouraging, or overwhelming when trying to communicate.
In any type of relationship, conflict is bound to occur. How conflict is handled in relationships determines the healthiness and longevity of the relationship. Communication is so important in understanding your partner and solving disagreements. However, there are specific behaviors and words individuals should avoid when communicating to prevent the argument or problem from worsening.
Most people know they should avoid profanity, loud or wild gestures, and destructive behaviors. Some counterproductive things you may not have considered include placing blame, using absolute words, refusing to compromise, and stonewalling.
When you disagree with someone, avoid trying to blame someone or something. This may discourage all parties involved from taking accountability and does not aid in working toward a solution. Using absolute words in an argument or tough conversation with your partner may cause more hurt and confusion than the origin of the conflict.
Absolute words include “always, never, only” and more. It is easy to begin using statements like “I always….” or “You never” when upset, but couples must remember that this is not a form of healthy communication. Refusing to compromise and stonewalling are similar concepts and can go together. Individuals who refuse to compromise also refuse to understand and value someone else’s perspective and preference.
This behavior could make your partner feel unimportant and undervalued, which is a similar effect to stonewalling. Do not give your partner the silent treatment or purposely present us interested and shut down. All of the behaviors in this section may further complicate disagreements and are not productive communication skills.
It is easy to forget efficient communication skills in stressful situations or conflicts with individuals. Often, individuals are more focused on getting their point across, defending themselves, or specific details instead of understanding what is being said. Instead of preparing your reply when you should be listening, focus on understanding the other person’s perspective.
Next time you are in a heated argument or disagree with your partner, family member, or friend, listen with an open mind and heart. Accept that you may have offended them, hurt their feelings, or overstepped your boundaries. Once you become more willing to accept your wrongs, you are less likely to become defensive, blame, or stonewall in situations where you should communicate.
Being open to criticism is an important skill to master in relationships and life overall. Everyone makes mistakes, so try not to take offense to your friends, family, or partners’ criticism. They may be offering advice or clarity.
Additionally, remember that some problems could be no one’s fault. Some arguments are misunderstandings or triggered by another person’s behavior. It is important always to remember to have empathy for whoever you conflict with. Empathy costs nothing.
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