It’s the big night.
You’re looking good, feeling good, and now it’s time to hit the town for some good eats and hopefully even better chemistry.
After all, who doesn’t enjoy a nice date night out at a favorite restaurant? A candlelit dinner, good conversation, maybe some laughs over dessert—it’s a romantic classic.
But for people living with Crohn’s disease, this simple pleasure can take a complete U-turn. Whether it’s flare-ups, fatigue, or simply the unpredictable nature of your digestion, Crohn’s can make a promising date night go downhill fast.
Although more prevalent among white individuals, the disease may simply be underdiagnosed in the Black community. And even if it isn’t, the relative rarity of the condition can lead to further issues. Namely, cultural stigmas, lack of awareness, and even a fear of seeming “weak” or “needy.”
So don’t let your digestive system sidetrack you from a truly enjoyable evening.
Here are five proven tips to have a successful dating life, no matter what Crohn’s decides to do…
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A chronic inflammatory bowel condition, Crohn’s disease can trigger all sorts of lovely issues, everything from abdominal pain and diarrhea to fatigue and weight loss. While the symptoms are real and sometimes severe, the key to owning your truth is in how you present it.
First off, don’t be ashamed. Practice confidence and brief explanations you can use immediately, should the topic arise. For example, you might say something like, “I have Crohn’s, it affects my digestive system, so I just have to eat carefully.”
Heck, you can even make light of the situation, saying that your stomach ‘has a mind of its own’ or that it’s ‘high-maintenance.’ However, you choose to approach the subject, communicate that you manage your condition cautiously and confidently.
And this isn’t just so you feel good. Actual research, such as a study in Health Communication, found that people who frame their health conditions assertively are more likely to elicit support and understanding, not pity, from others.
Which is exactly what you want.
Don’t let Crohn’s suck the fun out of dating or eating in restaurants.
Whether it’s skipping the wine, avoiding spicy dishes, or ordering something “bland,” it’s easy to feel self-conscious about your eating habits. Especially when you’re at that new trendy spot in town with all the creative dishes.
Remember: Crohn’s is not a flaw—it’s a medical condition that demands dietary adjustments. So make this clear. Communicate to your date that managing the condition requires that you often follow a low-residue or anti-inflammatory diet.
No need to apologize or downplay. Simply put it out there with statements like, “My stomach is super picky, but I’ve learned what works for me,” or “Sometimes, nothing’s better than a clean, natural meal.”
When you frame your choices this way, you not only show self-respect and self-awareness, but you also show that Crohn’s doesn’t run your life.
We all operate within boundaries and learn to make the most of what we have. People with Crohn’s are no different.
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As soon as you bring up Crohn’s—whether on the first date or the fifth—it’s natural to feel nervous.
How will your date respond? What will he or she say? Will the body language give it away? Will it spoil an otherwise good night? Will he or she be compassionate or dismissive? Curious or judgmental?
Although not everyone will ‘get it’ right away, don’t let that get you down.
Many times, you may find that while the other person has heard of Crohn’s, they don’t really know what it’s all about. If you tell your date about your condition, and he or she is open to learning, you’re good to go. However, if your date brushes it off as just a nervous stomach or silly weakness, then you might have to reconsider future plans!
Just remember, this isn’t about being dramatic or fishing for sympathy. You’re simply being upfront and perceiving how the other person receives it. If your date is closed off, there’s no point in wasting emotional energy trying to convince him or her of your worth.
Use their reaction to assess their emotional maturity, not your value.
People with Crohn’s have to do a little homework.
But don’t think of it as some tedious task – have fun with it! Look into unique restaurants and eateries that offer the kinds of foods and meals you have experience with. See what kinds of accommodations they have. Get to know certain waiters and cooks.
If you’re planning your first date, it’s especially important to scope out the spot. And remember, you don’t have to go somewhere to eat. You can always opt for something with less pressure, like coffee shops or tea houses, a walk in the park, a museum or art exhibit, a sporting event – you name it.
However, if dinner is unavoidable, choose the restaurant yourself or at least call ahead to see what kind of dietary accommodations can be made. And of course, last but not least, plan for the worst and hope for the best. It may be a good idea to pick a place not far from home with easy access to a bathroom.
Better safe than sorry!
When talking about your condition, you don’t have to give a long-winded lecture. You’re not a medical expert, you’re a person managing a chronic disease. This is why it’s helpful to find a simple, truthful explanation that can resonate. You don’t need to disclose everything, but you should definitely let your date know that sometimes the condition can be severe.
Not sure what to say? Consider sentences like, “Yeah, it can be unpredictable sometimes, so I might need to step away if I’m not feeling well.”
Or you might speak directly to your issues, such as: “Every now and again, I deal with fatigue or bathroom issues—but it certainly doesn’t stop me from living my life.”
If the date goes well and you continue to learn more about each other, you can always share more. According to research from Digestive Diseases and Sciences, those individuals who disclose chronic illnesses in stages feel more in control and less vulnerable.
Overall, talking openly about your condition takes a little bit of courage, a little bit of education, and a lot of honesty and transparency. If you’re looking for strategies, the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation is a great resource, even hosting virtual and in-person meetings through “the Black IBD Collective.”
Another good one is MyCrohnsAndColitisTeam, which is a vibrant social network full of people just like you.
So don’t be ashamed! Crohn’s disease might affect your body, but it does not define your heart, your value, or your capacity to love and be loved.
Never forget that.
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