Multiple sclerosis (MS) usually doesn’t affect everyone in the same way. While some people have mild symptoms that don’t affect their daily lives, others deal with worsening symptoms that can cause increased disability. To complicate matters, you can have long periods with no symptoms and then sudden flares that cause your symptoms to become debilitating for a short time. While you’re living with that, you also have to navigate other areas of your life, such as work, caring for loved ones, and dating. Dating, in particular, can be a challenge because at some point you have to communicate that you have a chronic illness. When is the right time to do that, though?
MS primarily affects adults ages 20 to 40, which can be prime dating years. While data on what it’s like to date with MS is sparse, one study with seven participants in focus groups offered some insight. When asked about their experiences, they noted that disclosing your diagnosis is a personal choice. However, the longer you take to talk about it, the less likely you’ll be able to relax with your date. They note that you’ll probably keep thinking about when it’s going to come up until you actually say something.
Before you start, though, they caution that you need to put aside your negative feelings about the condition. These feelings can not only color how you can talk about MS but also yourself. That’s why the participants recommended not seeing yourself as a challenge or burden to someone who wants to date you. Once you’re not in that mindset, it can be easier to communicate what you’re dealing with.
Still, the timing of that conversation can differ depending on several factors. While you may not want to discuss your condition on the first date as you get to know them, it’s likely not a good idea to wait too long. The best time may be when you know a bit more about your date.
Are they someone you want to get to know better? Have they given you the impression that they’re trustworthy? Do you feel comfortable enough with them to talk about your condition? Do they seem like someone who can handle a more serious conversation? Are you extremely worried about how they’re going to react to the point where it’s making you anxious?
These are just a few questions you should ask yourself when deciding on the right timing. You should also ensure that you’re in the right frame of mind to talk about your MS. Although it’s not necessary to launch into all the graphic details of the condition, you should be prepared to give a summary of what it can be like for you.
That part is essential because what little most people know about MS may be frightening. It’s a good idea to acknowledge that the symptoms of MS can be serious while talking about your personal experiences. After all, they’re dating you, not everybody who has the condition. You also don’t want to overwhelm them with information. Give them an informative overview, then give them time to absorb it.
Of course, the timing of your disclosure can also depend on the severity of your symptoms. Some people have mild symptoms that aren’t apparent, but that’s not the case for everyone. MS can affect your vision, muscle control, concentration, bladder control, and balance, among other things. If your date is likely to notice your symptoms, then it’s a good idea to talk about your condition upfront. This is also true if your symptoms may affect which dating activities you’re comfortable with.
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As mentioned previously, MS can cause various symptoms that can interfere with dating. Since you know what bothers you, plan activities where you’re comfortable. Short dates like going for coffee can be a good way to get to know someone for the first time. As you move into dating, you may be more comfortable with going to dinner, concerts, and movies.
Depending on the activity, though, you may need a few tricks to stay comfortable. According to one person who lives with MS, they do several things to ensure that they can date more easily. They don’t drink a lot of beverages so their bladder control doesn’t become an issue that has them going to the bathroom frequently. When it comes to food, they generally order things that are easy to eat so dexterity doesn’t become an issue.
Because they’re dealing with fatigue, they gravitate toward dates that are time-sensitive and unlikely to fall when they’re most tired. Even before divulging their condition, they try to keep the environment relaxing so they can get to know their date. While you’re dating, it helps to know which activities are most comfortable for you and how to navigate them so you don’t worry about your symptoms.
If your symptoms are significant enough to limit your activity options, it may be best to let your date know why you’re only comfortable in certain environments. This may be the point where you have the conversation about MS and how it affects your daily life.
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Even if you don’t want to overthink how your date might react, it’s a good idea to be prepared. Some may have a lot of questions, while others may need a few minutes to think. Others may ask for even more time or reconsider dating entirely. All you can do is give them time and space. You may continue dating, or it may be the end of your journey.
The important thing is that you were honest about your health. Dating can be difficult, and the last thing you need is to worry about how someone else is going to handle your condition. If your date hesitates to continue, it may be a sign they’re not the right one for you. In that case, it’s better to focus on finding someone who’s a better fit.
MS can make dating a little more complicated than usual. One thing you may wonder about is when to tell a date about your condition. Once you find the right time, personalize the information and give them time to absorb it. If they don’t want to keep dating, don’t be discouraged. You’ll find the right person for you.
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