Popular daily radio and vlog show, The Breakfast Club co-host DJ Envy and his wife Gia Casey have been in the news lately, and not for their job. Gia has admitted she had faked orgasms for 10 years of her marriage. It was something she said she did repeatedly and consistently. The couple sat down with The Shade Room to have an intimate chat and discuss their new book Real Life, Real Love: Life Lessons on Joy, Pain & the Magic That Holds Us Together.
Casey started the conversation about her struggle to reach a climax with her husband because it is a part of the book, which is available now. The radio personality, as Casey shared, was her first and only because they met in high school.
“Most young girls and even many, many, many women, I’m sure so many women can relate, don’t know how to achieve an orgasm,” she said. “A lot of women have no idea what it feels like to have an orgasm through sexual intercourse.”
“We would be intimate and he would be putting his best foot forward…he lives to make me happy. So I would see him trying and really going to work,” she continued. “You want to reward that man for that work and the only reward that you have to offer is an orgasm. But even if I didn’t feel it, I would still be performative.”
In retrospect, Casey says she realized he couldn’t help her reach orgasm because she didn’t know what she needed to get there.
“He was doing everything a man could do to please a woman. The problem was, I didn’t know my own body,” she admitted.
This is more of a common problem for women than you think.
Not reaching an orgasm makes a great number of women feel inadequate, as if her sexual equipment is broken, leading her down a path of exploration to seek and find the BIG O. After trying many positions, reading self-help books and buying dozens of toys, some women remain unaware of exactly what an orgasm is and why it is so difficult to reach one. So the question is, why is it so difficult for women to reach orgasm when men seem to be able to reach sexual bliss so easily?
The answer actually consists of a few parts:
Inserting part A into slot B is the typical sexual situation that the average couple believes will enable both partners to reach a climax, but in actuality women need more than vaginal penetration in order to reach an orgasm. About 70% of women need clitoral stimulation along with penetrative sex in order to reach an orgasm. The clitoris is made up of 8000 nerve endings making it the most sensitive body part on a woman, so it needs love and attention as does the rest of the body during sex!
During penetration, the clitoris is stimulated from the inside because of its legs that extend deep into the vagina, but for most women that internal stimulation isn’t enough. DIRECT contact is where it’s at! Sex positions that position the pelvises close together, oral sex during foreplay or using a clitoral vibrator during sex are great ways to ensure clitorial stimulation is achieved during intercourse.
Sexual energy is a vital source of energy that gives life to every living being on the Earth. When it comes to men and women, sexual energy originates in different parts of the body. In men, sexual energy originates in the pelvis, which explains why men are ready for sex in 20 seconds as opposed to the 10 minutes it typically takes a woman’s body to be ready for intercourse. Women’s sexual energy originates in the…
…head, so in order for the genitals to be in a state of welcoming and wanting, the energy has to travel down the spine into the pelvis, and that is some distance to travel!
TAKE A LOOK: How To Become Multi-Orgasmic In One Session
This fact is one that many women are unaware of, and furthermore, many women have no idea how to move the energy from the brain into the pelvis. Through meditation, concentrated breathing and focusing the mind on the pelvis, sexual energy can move from the brain into the genitals where it belongs during sex. This technique has to be learned and it takes some time to master, but once a woman knows how to transfer that energy where it needs to be, orgasm during sex can be achieved with ease every time.
“What should I make for dinner tomorrow?” “I wonder what the kids are doing right now.” “OMG! I s he looking at my stretch marks?” “Ew, his breath smells like Doritos!” These thoughts and more are things that can roll through the minds of women during sex. Women tend to live in their heads and think about everything but sex during sexual experiences, which causes disconnect between the brain (where sexual energy originates for women) and the genitals that need to connect with the sexual energy. When the mind is everywhere else besides the moment of sexual pleasure, the body will not respond to the typical triggers that should send it into an orgasmic frenzy.
In order to bring the body closer to a climax, the mind needs to be cleared and freed of anything that isn’t sex within that moment. Meditation, a pre-performance massage, stretching or even a hot bath or shower are all great ways to mellow out before the fun begins. Leave all of the thoughts about work, children and body issues at the door. Leave the mind open to register touch, smells, sounds and every other sensation associated with the sexual rendezvous taking place in the moment. Live in the moment!
Every woman has the parts necessary to orgasm and can learn how to achieve the greatest climax of her life; it just takes dedicated and focused intention and a little practice to get there.
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