Danny R. Gibson, LMFT: It’s normal that you go through some of the healing, sort of the grieving processes of any kind of break up because a break up is like any other death so to speak. You’re going to be grieving the loss of that relationship, so it’s important that you sort of just allow yourself to grieve. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like staying at home and binge-watching TV for a week, do that. Whatever you need to do to get through that period, but also you need to realize that you can get stuck there.
I don’t want to see you there 6 months from now, but right now you want to grieve. You want to process what’s going on with you. I often encourage clients to write in journals or write in notebooks. Write about what you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. No one has to see that journal, but its just for you to be able to get some of that thoughts and energy from your mind on to actual paper.
Also, I highly recommend that you seek out your support system. That may be your friends, your parents, your siblings, whoever that may be and be honest with them about what you’re going through. Because most likely, they’ve also gone through this as well. So, these kind of breakups are very normal. It’s just allowing yourself the opportunity to feel it and go through it.
Secondly, if you find yourself just being able to protect yourself; not finding yourself on that rabbit hole so to speak, that may mean sometimes blocking your partner’s number off their phonebook. That may mean taking him off your Facebook page, or any kind of social media. If it means getting rid of any kind of momenta’s, you guys may have collected together; pack it up and put it in a box then put it in a closet. Whatever you need to do, take care of yourself at that moment. You need to do it and its important for you to take care of yourself. Use your resources and your family’s support system as much as possible.
Also, I’m going to suggest that you keep yourself busy because we tend to sort of hibernate in our apartments or in our homes when we find there’s a breakup. I would definitely suggest you go out, meet with friends, go to dinner, have drinks, take up those hobbies you may have put on the side. Start doing those again. Whatever you need to do to keep busy, to stay active, be a part of life. It’s what I would strongly suggest.
Finally, it’s something a lot of people don’t understand and it’s that you have to accept some point along the line that you’re going to have to forgive. Learn how to let go. Forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re going to forgive the person for what they may have done to you, but it means you’re no longer going to allow that situation to dictate how you feel. That you’re no longer going to focus on the past, but now focus on the present and the future.
The moment you do that you realize that they once again take control of your own life and not allowing something in the past to dictate what’s going to happen to you in the future. So, forgiving and being able to move on are probably the final stages in sort of that recovery from a bad break up.
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