Danny R. Gibson, LMFT: Arguing is inevitable. It’s something everyone is going to go through. There is a healthy way of arguing, and basically what that means is that you’re speaking and your partner is speaking and your both trying to listen to each other.
What you want to try and do when your arguing is come from a point of view using “I” statements: I feel. I think. I want…
What that does is, it allows for your partner to hear you in a way that is not necessarily accusing them of anything. You’re simply stating what you need, or what needs to be said out of this relationship. So, what we can do again is try and use reflective communication skills.
Once you say something, sort of have your partner repeat back what you said. That you understand what he says, and he has a clear understanding on what you just said as well. That’s called reflective thinking. Reflective communication. It puts it in its own words about what you just said. You can comment, “no that’s not what I said; what I said was this.” “yes, I did say that.” And then add on as you see fit.
Again, the listening part is just a sort of way of being respectful and understanding what your partner just said to you. Then, you can carry on with your discussion or augment if you want to call it that. The main important part is to be able to understand what each other is saying, and how it’s been interpreted, and then how to move forward.
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