I’ve been natural for over four years and I, like any other natural, have heard some really insane things. And to be quite honest with you…I’m over it!
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Let’s not waste any time here and get right into this list…
You know what? This really gets on my last nerves because you know what else ain’t for everybody? RELAXER, but I don’t go around telling folks that when the topic of relaxers comes up. The same could be said about wigs, certain shades of lipstick and leggings. I could go on, however, I’m sure you get the point.
Okay, girl, that’s fine. Please stop acting like I go around to salons on Saturdays slapping relaxer out stylists’ hands. I’m not in the Natural Hair Illuminati and I’m not looking to convert you. Your scalp, your business. Trust me, I’m not going to like you any less if you go outside of the natural hair space.
You stop using a chemical straightener and people think that you’ve given up on enhancing your beauty. Y’all giving me too much credit, I’m really not that deep! I like makeup, I like being fly, I like having fun with beauty and sometimes I like to be as shallow as a kiddie pool.
“Hey Macy Gray!” Or, “Hey Erykah Badu!” *side eye* I don’t look like either of these sistars. I just don’t and just stop it! Although just a week ago someone addressed me as Chaka Khan and I was actually fine with that, and that’s because I actually looked like her that day.
What? Where does this logic come from? What does incense have to do with what I decide to do with my hair follicles? I should probably just assume you dropped out of school in the 4th grade, too, because clearly you aren’t smarter than a 5th grader.
Excuse me! I will have you know that I actually did comb my hair and that it took me roughly three hours plus 24 hours of drying time to get this style. How about you actually do something to your own head before coming into my space to offer unsolicited hair critiques and advice.
Sooooo….are you saying that my hair is not looking cute right now? Are you saying that in order for my hair to look cute it needs to be straight? What are you saying? I will tell you that my side eye is totally telling you to STFU.
As a current cosmetology student I recently had to amend and make changes to this rule. Outside of beauty students and beauty professionals, randomly asking to touch my hair while I’m moving and shaking through the Universe will get you 20 seconds in the Resting B— Face zone.
If I did not share this with you in conversation, please don’t have a temporary case of Tourette’s and blurt out such a statement. You will be read for filth and I will curse your mom and dad for raising such a sad, vile, pitiful human being.
And last but certainly not least….
What you NEED to do is take an about face and ride up out of my face. Are you a part of the Unsolicited Hair Authority, self summoned to share your unsolicited hair advice with friends, family and complete strangers? Bye, dude. I do not care to provide you with an unauthorized evaluation of your fragile and decimated follicles. Please go on or I will be forced to torture your eyes with a natural tear cleanse.
I can’t speak for the entire community. However, at the end of the day if it isn’t nice, necessary or kind just keep it to yourself. Mmmkay?
Aishia Strickland is full-time mom to a little Chocolate Prince, full-time beauty school student, lover of multi-textured hair, tastemaker, Editor of Chocolate Curls Beauty and a knower of all THINGS!
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