Every day, millions of singles crawl dating sites and apps, flipping through photos and profiles of potential matches. Finding a date, let alone love, just isn’t easy—even though there are plenty of apps for that. But there are some online dating success stories. Just recently, hip-hop veteran, MC Lyte, at age 46, found her beau, which is now her husband on the Match.com dating site. So it’s never too late. You just have to know the tips and tools to allow the right person to come along.
Here are a few our favorites:
The key to writing a good online dating profile is to be specific about who you are. Nobody likes a profile that sounds as if the writer is tailoring his or her personality to what other people want to hear. Those sorts of generic, essentially meaningless profiles are exactly what don’t catch someone’s eye online. If you want to stand out from the crowd, reveal your personality in a unique way.
Something like this may work: “When I’m not out with my friends on a Friday night, I love curling up under the covers and watching a scary movie (any suggestions?).” This is now a statement that has personality, flirts with the reader, provides bait and discusses the type of movies that I am specifically into.
Many men and women unintentionally use language that displays a lack of confidence. For example, writing that “I really hope to meet a man who is smart, fun and handsome,” doesn’t sound terrible, but the word “hope” implies that you are the one chasing and “hoping” things will turn out OK. It subconsciously creates the image of a woman who has not had the best of luck with men in the past.
By changing this statement to, “the perfect man for me is smart, fun and handsome,” the perception completely changes. This subtle change portrays the image of a woman who is confident, in control and knows what she wants. Stick to language that shows high levels of confidence whenever possible.
It is a huge mistake to create a massive list of turnoffs, deal-breakers and qualities that you are not looking for in a partner. For example: “I don’t like _____.” Or, “I can’t stand it when ______.” Or even worse, “Stay away from me if you are _______.” While you may think this is a productive way to ward off unwanted suitors, all it does is make men think that you are a negative person and possibly jaded by one too many bad dates.
The unwanted suitors are going to arrive at your inbox no matter what you do. The key to your profile is to attract the ones you do want by appearing to be a happy, fun-loving person. At the end of the day, quality men are attracted to positivity, not women who come across as disgruntled, overly picky and jaded.
Now, once you’ve connected with someone, talked on the phone and mutually want to meet face to face, what do you do?
1. No Coffee Dates!
If you’re a male or female, this is a bold choice, but it’s needed to weed out unwanted mates in this “hookup” culture.
Face the facts, you’re a quality catch and if you truly are looking for something serious to come of your online dating effort, then you’ve got to be…
… serious about your matches and your dates. Not saying you have to be stiff and not have fun…that’s not what I’m saying at all. What I’m saying is, if you’re going to put in the effort to have a good hair day, paint your face, and pick out the cute outfit to meet “Mr. Wonderful,” the least he can do is plan a proper date! Even if it’s casual, you can meet for cocktails (preferably non-alcoholic), but be sure the guy has a plan in mind that not’s your usual, “let’s link up around the corner from your place” kind of deal. You can also opt for a casual late lunch. That way, if you and he both are feeling each other, then dinner can come into play or a movie/event.
Meeting for coffee at Starbucks has “I’m not too invested in meeting you” written all over it. Save yourself the time and wait for the guy that makes plans instead of just texting you.
2. Always Leave him/her wanting MORE!
If you are having a great time on the first date laughing, sharing stories, and even have similar tastes in your binge-watching Netflix series, by all means keep it going, but don’t let it go on for too long. This is a situation where less is actually more. I tell everybody, you’re going to have a long first date because you two don’t know each other. So long dates don’t me anything! See if he/she calls you back, asks some deeper questions, sounds more interested, or even remains interested until the next time you see him/her. And by interested, I DO NOT mean someone who just texts you “good morning beautiful” each morning. *sigh*
Remember, a long-term relationship is like a marathon. If you’re hoping that this one might go the distance, pace yourself. In other words, leave him wanting more.
By subscribing, you consent to receive emails from BlackDoctor.com. You may unsubscribe at any time. Privacy Policy & Terms of Service.
