When you’ve lost your mother, whether by death, abandonment or other painful circumstances, birthdays and holidays (especially Mother’s Day) can be the hardest days to get through. This time of year is one of solace, reflection and grief, making the holiday even more difficult for you.
READ: Katherine Jackson On Motherhood: “It Never Leaves You”
There is a saying, “Grief is just love with nowhere to go.” Right now, you likely want to reminisce, laugh and cry all at the same time. It’s okay to grieve, no matter how many years have passed. Recognize that these emotions are normal because of the close bond between a mother and child. Because of this, you will always miss your mother.
However, there are some ways you can still honor and celebrate your mother even if she is not physically in your life.
Honor your mom through a cause she was passionate about during her life. Was your mom active with homeless shelters? Did she love animals? Did she spend time helping children through a specific organization? Look up your mom’s cause on a website and see how you can help this particular organization. Pay homage to your mom by finding a way to spend time volunteering at the organization. If your time is limited, you can also make a donation to this nonprofit.
You can visit a nursery or local store that sells plants or trees and plant a tree in your mom’s honor. You can also use a nonprofit like National Arbor Day Foundation to have a tree planted in memory of your mother. This is a way to create a lasting memory of your mom.
READ: GirlTrek Hosts #MAMAthon, the Largest National Walk Honoring Black Mothers
If there was a special dish your mom made for you as a kid, prepare it and share it with your family and friends along with the memories that made that particular meal special to you. Spend time swapping stories about your childhood that make you laugh and remember the qualities that made mom special to all of you.
Reach out to your family and friends and ask them to share their memories and photos as well. This will help you recall many of the fond memories and positive experiences you shared with your mom. You will be surprised by the many memories your mom created for you and others as well.
Use this time with your loved ones to catch up, share family memories and talk about those things that made your mom so lovable and appreciated by all of you. Embrace your family connection and time as well as the love that all of you have for one another. This will help you celebrate the family unit that your mom helped to create.
Use Mother’s Day to reconnect with nature and also as a way to collect your thoughts and feelings. Go to the beach, take a hike along a trail, or visit the botanical gardens or your local park. Give yourself time in a peaceful environment outside to
take in the beauty of nature. Not only will this give you some time for reflection, but also some time to reconnect with nature and yourself without distractions.
Take some time to write a letter to your mom. Tell her all of the new things that have been going on in your life. Share with her how much you miss her and appreciate everything she has done for you.
If you become emotional while writing this letter, it’s ok to release those feelings. It will feel cathartic to get how you are feeling down on paper.
You can then choose to do what you like with the letter. You can keep it, release it, or save it and re-read it on a future Mother’s Day.
If you want to grieve your mom’s passing, this is fine.
If you want to pamper yourself with something you enjoy doing like a spa treatment, a meal at a favorite restaurant, or something of that nature, go ahead and do what makes you happy.
Your mom would understand that you miss and love her, but taking care of yourself will make you happier, which is every mom’s goal for her child.
Your mom may not be with you physically, but she will always be active in your memories and heart. Taking time to honor and celebrate your mom will help you grieve for her in a respectful and loving way. Your mom would love the fact that you are doing exactly that for her!
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