Most of us have been there. You’re communicating with someone who seems to live another world, saying things that sound extremely exaggerated and false. But, you can’t quite put your finger on what or who they are. More than likely, you’ve come into contact with someone who exhibits signs of being a pathological liar.
According to The Psychiatric Times, pathological lying is defined as a “long history (maybe even a lifelong history) of frequent and repeated lying, for which no apparent psychological motive or external benefit can be discerned.”
Although the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (or DSM-5) does not have a standard and stand-alone definition for pathological lying, it is listed as a characteristic consistent with other serious personality disorders:
Some are cleverer than others, but there’s one fact that rings true in nearly every case: Their lies will cause more harm than good. We’ve rounded up a few key signs you can look out for that can help identify a pathological liar right away—before it’s too late:
You may be flattered by someone noticing even the smallest details about your personality, but it may actually be because the pathological liar is looking for your weaknesses. Additionally, they want to make sure they’re not immediately caught in their lies, so it’s best for them to be on the lookout just in case you’re catching on.
It may sound unbelievable, but it is true. The liar’s moral compass is vastly different from that of normal people. Lying is instinctual for them, so people’s feelings are never factored into their mental processes. In layman’s terms, they rarely think, “Oh, I shouldn’t say that because I could hurt…
that person and never be trusted by them again.” According to a 2008 Psychcentral article, therapist Tamara Hill said that many parents of her former clients asked: “Why don’t they just tell me the truth? Why is that so hard!?” She explained that “as difficult as it is to believe, it is not that easy for the liar to divulge the truth. The liar lacks the ability to consider what you might feel in response to their lie (which is empathy).”
According to Psychology Today, most pathological liars actually ultimately come to believe their own lies, so it’s easy for them to maintain their composure even when it seems like their deceit is about to be uncovered. This lack of emotion makes their lies more believable, which only further confuses the person(s) on the other side of the untruths.
A person who has normal levels of empathy and concern for others will often show relief when the topic being discussed is changed if they’re lying. For example, if someone told you that they had a heart murmur and experienced a list of physical ailments as a result, you would naturally ask follow-up questions to get a better understanding of their condition. If you change the topic at the point when the person displays discomfort in response to your questions, the person relaxes because they are aware of the consequences of their lying.
Believe it or not, liars do not always have bells to tip you off when they’re trying to deceive you. It’s been found that most pathological liars give direct contact, seem relaxed or “laid back” and may appear very sociable…charismatic even. But, one sign to look for is eye contact that feels almost piercing, unyielding. Some sociopaths have learned how to fool people with direct eye contact, sociable smiles and wit. Trust your gut and good judgment.
At some point in their lives, pathological liars learned how to become a “pro” at manipulating. They know everything to …
say and do around you purely because they’ve studied you—not because there’s a genuine, human connection. In fact, many pathological liars (and sociopaths) use sexual or emotional attention to detract from the truth. Be careful. That arousal you’re feeling from this person could be psychological (piquing your interest), emotional (causing you to feel connected to them) or sexual.
Can you remember how you felt when you were younger after you were caught lying to someone you care about, or an authority figure? Did you feel guilty, sad or afraid that the other person would no longer trust you? Some research suggests that pathological liars show no discomfort at all when caught lying, while other studies suggest that some pathological liars may become angry when they’re caught. In essence, no pathological liar is the same.
So, as you can see, it’s not always easy to spot a pathological liar, but hopefully you’ll at least be able to readily identify characteristics in people that may lead to possible hurt in the future, and avoid them.
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