Life can be challenging AF. We face constant day-to-day stresses that add layers of difficulty to what is already a pretty complicated human existence.
So How Are We Supposed To Cope?
Our first instinct is to complain about the stuff that we don’t like, don’t want to do, or wish we had. Somehow, through evolution, it has become a natural default for us.
Don’t believe us? Ok, ask yourself when was the last time you went an entire day without complaining, not even once. Can’t recall? That’s ok. None of us can, really. In fact, research shows that during an average conversation, we complain to each other at least once every minute.
Socially, it shows that we like to complain because it’s one of the
easiest ways to relate to one another.
Have you ever heard of the old adage, “the enemy of my enemy is my friend?” That doesn’t just apply to people you despise. The common dislike for something can easily bond people.
Naturally, for some reason, we think that “venting” is a way to relieve stress. We are wrong.
According to some Stanford University researchers, when you complain, your brain releases stress hormones that damage your neural connections. Specifically, complaining affects your brain’s problem-solving and other cognitive functions.
Constant complaining rewires your brain to make future complaining more likely. In other words, the more you complain, the easier it is to be negative than it is to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around you. Complaining becomes your default behavior, which ultimately changes how people perceive you and how you perceive people.
On an even deeper level, complaining physically damages other areas of your brain as well. Research from Stanford University has shown that complaining shrinks the hippocampus—an area of the brain that’s critical to
critical thinking and solution-creation. Damage to the hippocampus is extremely harmful, especially when you consider that it’s one of the primary brain areas destroyed by Alzheimer’s.
Extraordinarily, the same type of damage occurs when you hear someone else groan, moan, or complain. It’s equivalent to inhaling second-hand smoke. So it doesn’t really matter if you’re the one complaining or listening, it causes damage either way.
But, cutting complaining out can be easier said than done. The above information begs the question, complaining is bad for us, should we just not talk about our problems?
On the contrary, by now I know you’ve seen the reports around how passive aggression and bottled emotions can shorten your life span. So what should we do?
Fortunately, there are ways to meet in the middle. Here are a few ways to let some steam off without adding more stress and negativity to your life:
1. Formulate Smart Complaints
Complaining with a purpose is a real thing. Before you let something negative just fall out of your mouth, take a beat and just think about it some more. Don’t complain unless you have already at least THOUGHT about
putting a solution together.
Complaining is only unhealthy when it’s counter-productive. When it’s done right, it can really be good for you.
2. Try To Write Down Your Complaints & Read Them Back To Yourself
You might not notice it, but you could sometimes complain about the same things repeatedly. Yes, we’re talking to you and that toxic relationship, sis.
The Journal of Social Psychology recently looked at how mindfulness, happiness, and expressions of annoyance affect each other.
They found that complainers who actually hoped for results were happier than those who didn’t think far beyond their problems. This is because happier people know how to modulate their complaints, when to complain, and who they can complain to.
Keep a note pad or text your complaints to your self and analyze how often that same complaint comes up. You’d be surprised.
3. Be Careful Who You Complain To
Complaining to loved ones is a challenging game. We recommend
proceeding with caution.
It’s very important to learn how to tell friends and family when you’re upset. If you don’t, you end up alone in your pain. But be careful about how often you complain and about what because, like anyone, they can have a breaking point.
4. Avoid Chronic Complainers
Again, the negative effects of complaining can also come from hearing them from other people.
Essentially, when we see someone experiencing an emotion (be it anger, sadness, happiness, etc), our brain ‘tries on’ that same emotion in order to imagine what the other person is going through, AKA we empathize with that person.
There’s nothing wrong with cutting off people that constantly bring negativity to your life.
To sum it up, before complaining, think about how you can make it better, and try to do that.
Jasmine Browley holds an MA in journalism from Columbia College Chicago, and has contributed to Ebony, Jet and MADE Magazine among others. So, clearly, she knows some stuff. Follow her digital journey @JasmineBrowley.
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