For many Black adults in midlife, caring for aging parents is simply part of life.
While juggling all the balls in their own daily lives, adult caregivers are often also responsible for managing the well-being and health of their elderly loved ones.
And it’s certainly not easy. Between career and job concerns, raising children, and keeping their households in order, these caregivers face numerous challenges day in and day out. The emotional, physical, and financial weight is hard to overstate.
Fortunately, there are ways to manage. And for daughters, sons, mothers, and fathers who have to ‘stay strong,’ self-care can make a significant difference.
Let’s discuss five practical ways these tireless caregivers can care for themselves…
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You might be thinking, I don’t have time to take a day off for self-care. It’s just not practical.
If this sounds like you, don’t worry. You don’t need an hours-long spa day to reap the benefits. In fact, small, consistent habits often have a greater impact than the occasional big gesture.
For starters, try a five-minute breathing or stretching routine while the morning coffee brews. Step outside for fresh air when your loved one is resting or doesn’t need help. Keep a water bottle next to the care recipient’s supplies, so you can drink as you assist them. Or, listen to a favorite gospel playlist or podcast while you’re driving your loved one to appointments.
While these habits may not seem like much, over time they can reduce stress buildup without taking extra time you simply don’t have.
According to Harvard Health, one top way to reach deep relaxation is through a simple 10 minutes of breath awareness. To do it, find a comfortable chair or cushion, close your eyes, and begin to focus on your breath. Distracting thoughts will come and go, so just let them pass, and gently refocus on your breath.
Breathe in slowly through your nose for a five-count, then hold and pause for another five-count, and finally exhale for a five-count.
If you can find 10 minutes in your caregiving schedule for this practice, it can help you decompress when you need it most!
It’s not uncommon for Black caregivers to pride themself on self-reliance. And sure, while there’s nothing wrong with being strong and self-accountable, it’s all about balance. If you push yourself too hard and neglect your needs for too long, it defeats the entire purpose of caregiving.
In other words, if you don’t adequately care for yourself, you’ll struggle to care for others.
So don’t hesitate to ask for help!
Trying to do everything alone increases isolation and burnout, and can be a quick route to emotional and mental exhaustion. Don’t feel embarrassed to request specific help. It doesn’t need to be huge or demanding, but it should be clearly conveyed.
For example, don’t say “I need your help.”
Instead, say things like, “Can you take Mom to her Tuesday appointment this month?” or “Would you be able to stay for three hours on Saturday so I can run errands and rest?”
Know your loved ones, friends, and family members. If you can assign tasks that match people’s strengths and schedules, then you can definitely lessen your burdens.
But what if your relatives live far away?
If they do, ask them to handle activities that don’t require proximity, like calling insurance, ordering supplies online, or making financial contributions to respite care.
At the end of the day, you are not failing the family by sharing the load — you are showing what sustainable care looks like.
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Some research indicates that Black American caregivers, mostly female, face significant disruptions in their sleep duration and quality due to their responsibilities. Fortunately, the same research shows that caregiving resources, family support, and relaxation strategies can help improve sleep.
Whether you can’t sleep as you used to or just feel mentally and emotionally worn down, it’s important to know the signs.
Burnout may not look like you think, and it’s not always a sudden collapse.
Subtle signs may include:
Given that Black caregivers report high rates of isolation and anxiety, recognizing burnout is critical.
It’s not a sign of weakness. Ignoring these signals doesn’t make you stronger or better. It will only make long-term caregiving harder, so practice self-compassion.
You’re a good person, you’re doing good things, and you deserve good things for your own health & well-being.
If several burnout signs continue, treat them seriously, just like you would a warning light on a car dashboard.
“Respite care” refers to short-term relief that lets you rest fully or manage other responsibilities.
Typically, this means another person temporarily takes over for the primary caregiver. It’s especially important for family caregivers, particularly those at risk of stress, burnout, or declining health if they don’t get regular breaks.
Among Black caregivers, however, this respite care is often underused.
The barriers run the gamut, but usually include a lack of trust, concerns about quality, cost issues, and cultural expectations of ‘taking care of our own.’
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, look into local options.
Start by checking local Area Agencies on Aging, faith-based programs, Medicaid/Medicare waiver options (if eligible), and national resources such as the ARCH National Respite Network. In some cases, churches and community organizations may provide volunteer sitting or adult day programs.
It doesn’t have to be a lot. Even a few hours a week can help rejuvenate you.
And, of course, remember that using respite care doesn’t mean you are giving up on family members or loving them less. It just means you intend to keep caring for them over the long term.
It’s no surprise that many caregivers neglect their own needs. This means they often postpone their own doctor visits, medical screenings, and mental health support.
To avoid these issues, try scheduling your personal appointments at the same time you schedule theirs. Keep it easy. With a simple list of your medications and health goals visible, you’ll have basic reminders of what needs to be done.
If sleep is broken by nighttime care needs, don’t hesitate to talk with a doctor. A healthcare provider can educate you on restoration strategies and even refer you to a specialist.
After all, untreated caregiver stress is linked to higher rates of depression, high blood pressure, and other conditions, with many Black caregivers, especially those caring for people with dementia, seeking respite less often.
This is the take-home message: you cannot pour from an empty cup.
You are doing important, often invisible work, but it takes a toll, and it should never preclude you from taking care of yourself. Self-care is part of that work. Start with one small change this week, weigh its impact on both you and your caregiving recipient, and add more strategies as you go.
Both you and your loved ones will notice the difference.
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