A few years ago, I had my hairstylist tell me that once I get married that I can’t be hanging around people that aren’t married. It kind of threw me for a loop but after a while it made sense. There are several reasons why ties have to be cut. Or snipped at the very least with certain friends once you tie the knot. Now that I am engaged, I am starting to realize what she meant by that. Here are some reasons why:
1. Different Agendas
You simply don’t have the same ideas about life, relationships and how to spend your free time. It’s difficult maintaining the same level of friendship with someone you once spent every weekend with, when they always want to be out searching for their next one night stand. When asked about female friendships lasting after marriage, wedding expert Sharon Naylor said, “The sad reality is that sometimes they don’t survive because you no longer have anything in common.”
If you are hanging out with a single friend, having a few drinks and laughs could be on your agenda while meeting members of the opposite sex will be hers. With those being the differing agendas, naturally the both of you will attract different people during your outings. You will hopefully attract no one but the bartenders as they keep pouring the drinks. She on the other hand, staying true to her agenda will undoubtedly attract males that will possibly spill over onto you. This isn’t a good way to start a marriage, and it surely will trouble your husband.
2. Priorities Change
Once you are getting ready for marriage, life takes on a completely different meaning, at least task and responsibility wise. You are now living with someone whose name you are now sharing. The legal documentation that goes along with that alone is a huge thing to ponder over. You now probably share a bank account, and every decision you make affects another person. Adjusting to having to REALLY take someone else’s opinion into account regarding furniture, finances, how to drive (no, but seriously), leaves less time to prioritize your friends.
As you and your mate start planning your future together you might have to adjust behaviors and lifestyles. Non-married friends might not get that the occasional blow off of plans might be a priority. Maybe that girls trip you all thought you wanted to take doesn’t fit into the budget anymore because you and the hubby are now house shopping. This can leave your friends feeling neglected.
3. Jealousy
Plain and simple some people struggle watching others achieve things in their life they want badly. It can be hard to accept, but sometimes the people closest to you can be very envious of your happiness. Big life events such as marriage can truly show the worst of people. Take note of the comments and reactions of those around you during this time and shift folks accordingly. You deserve to be happy, and the people you share those moments with should be equally as happy. Don’t let them steal your joy.
4. Too Needy
Your best friends will start to feel like you don’t come around as much, you don’t sit on the phone with them and chat for hours, and your ability to just drop everything and do something at random suddenly becomes bleak. That’s what happens when you are in a serious relationship, but even more so in a marriage. Your best friend is now sharing your last name, and most of your time and energy will be spent evolving that relationship and your shared life that revolves around it. Your friends will have to learn how to be less needy of your time and attention, and respect that it’s not personal.
Beauty and hair maven Naomi Mackenzie is a freelance writer and business consultant. Her passion is to continuously keep up with the ever evolving techniques and topics as it relates to skin and hair, while helping others to embrace their own definition of beauty in a healthy way. Her blog, KissTheChaos (www.KissTheChaos.com), shares both an educated and personal perspective, sought to spark ongoing discussion. Follow her on Instagram at @oOolala_laa and on Facebook here.
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