The dating game has changed a lot since the introduction of apps like Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid. Whether you’re a divorcee taking another chance on love, a serial dater or happily single simply in search of a snuggle buddy, let’s face it, the rules have changed!
If you’ve recently put yourself out there in the online dating game, you may be wondering whether you’re crossing any lines or breaking any rules. For the answers, BlackDoctor.org spoke with a handful of relationship coaches and matchmakers for their take on online dating etiquette.
What are the best ways to meet people online?
“The best ways to meet people online is by finding websites and apps that are reputable,” says Certified Dating and Relationship Specialist (CRS), Michelle G. “Do your research! Avoid signing up for multiple free dating accounts and apps because this is the quickest way to experience dating fatigue and burn out.”
“Don’t just flip through four or five options, sit there for an hour and really explore who is out there! Be willing to make yourself vulnerable! Take the plunge and start a conversation, or better yet, skip the awkward online small talk and ask them out,” says April Davis, Relationship Coach and CEO of LUMA — Luxury Matchmaking. Adding that, while you may “run across a few crazies,” don’t “give up if the first few dates are totally weird.”
WATCH: Dating: The New Rules
https://www.facebook.com/BlackDoctor.org/videos/10154858356606194/
What are the big no no’s of dating after divorce online?
“If you’re online dating after a divorce, avoid making laundry lists of what you want and don’t want in a match. Avoid using selfies and group pictures on your profile. Finally, make sure you’ve had time to heal from the divorce, no one likes to date a bitter divorcee,” continued Michelle G.
Once you’ve worked through your emotions, remember to take it slow. Love is not a race! In fact, Dr. Wyatt Fisher, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist and founder of apps for couples, suggests taking it slow. “Proceed with caution,” he tells BlackDoctor.org. “Get to know someone online first and then have several video chats before a first date. For the first few dates, keep them in public areas and take your own mode of transportation.”
How should one state their intentions online?
One of the most important steps to successfully finding love online is transparency. “The best way to state your intentions online is by storytelling not making lists,” says Michelle G. “Use phrases like If you’ve or you’re “X,” then we probably wouldn’t be a good match. It’s key to state your top 3 wants and deal breakers throughout your profile not necessarily at the end.”
“The most attractive dating profiles are 70% about you, 30% about what you’re looking for. Mention some of the traits you’re looking for in your ideal partner, and include a brief line about what your intentions are,” says Scott Valdez, Founder and resident dating coach of ViDA.
What is your opinion on divorcees looking for love on popular apps like Tinder, POF, OkCupid, among others?
According to Michelle G., dating apps are, “simply a vehicle that does the best it can to find compatible matches but it does that based on what you write about yourself and the pictures you use. It’s important to spend the time on crafting a great profile. For daters in their mid to late 40’s seek out mature dating sites that offer a different experience from the apps.”
That’s not to say, there aren’t other ways to find a match. “Don’t wait for him to make the first move online,” says Valdez. “OkCupid found women are 2½ times more likely to get a response than men when they initiate a conversation, even with men who have a higher rating on the attractiveness scale. And here at ViDA, 8/10 of the relationships we get our female clients into started from proactive messaging,” he added.
Overall, “There is no one size fits all. Different age groups want different things,” added Pam Mirehouse Divorce and Health Coach, of Pam Mirehouse Coaching. In other words, what works for others may not work for you. Bump trends and choose what suits YOU!
By subscribing, you consent to receive emails from BlackDoctor.com. You may unsubscribe at any time. Privacy Policy & Terms of Service.
