Your heart is beating fast and you have a range of thoughts and emotions that seem to paralyze you from head to toe. These emotions can range from “Why me rage” to just an overwhelming “WOW!” Before you can deal with any of that you are faced with the question “What do I do?” when you suspect that your mate is cheating.
Some of us are dealing with infidelity and or the possibility of infidelity, getting over an ex who cheated or thinking about cheating to get over the hurt from an ex. Either way, it’s not easy.
Unless you are the paranoid, overanalytical type I would have to lean toward if you think that your mate is cheating, then 9 ½ times out of 10 something is going on to make you feel that way. Intuition is there for a reason and if we listen and are in tune with it, it speaks to us in all of our love languages.
So what do you?
Most will say that they know exactly what they would do, but do you really know before you are faced with the situation? Should you become passive and hope for the best? Do you go straight into snap mode and accuse? Do you stalk and go through phones, pockets, emails, etc?
You can ask your mate is something going on that you may not be aware of. You could also ask flat out “Is there someone else?” Or, you could cover all bases by asking “Are you seeing, dating, having sex with, kicking it, participating in oral pleasures with, hanging out with, mentally, physically or cyberly seeing someone else?”
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The bigger question is actually for the individual who believes that their mate may be cheating.
1. They should ask themselves “Why do I feel this way?” to make certain that they’re not feeding into possible insecurities that they may have.
2. If insecurities are not on the table then the next question is “What will confirming this information do for me?” Is it validation to leave? Proof to snap, crackle and pop?
3. The realest question of all is once you have the information and confirmation that cheating is occurring, what’s next? Most people are NOT prepared for the “What’s next?” question. Can the relationship be saved? Are WE willing to do the work to restore what was? Was something missing that lead to the cheating? What did I do? Can we fix it? Will I ever trust again? All of these questions are real questions that you will wonder, ask and demand to have answered.
Can your relationship get through cheating? Absolutely! Is it going to take work? Most definitely! Is this going to take time? You betcha!! However, please understand that…
… it will take both parties coming ‘twogether’ to do the real work to get through what got them to the cheating in order to get through the cheating.
Not everyone can forgive and move forward twogether and that’s okay, too, but the work still must be done in order for that individual to heal and move forward.
Infidelity is never easy, but once you are ready to step outside of what happened there’s something to be learned about self in the process. It’s an opportunity to see how you can become better as an individual.
Once the healing has occurred DO BE OPEN to loving again.
DO BE OPEN to trusting again.
DO BE OPEN to sharing your life with someone again.
Find comfort in knowing that people are in our lives for a reason, a season, a lesson or a lifetime. They show up to teach us some awesome and amazing things about ourselves.
Yanni Brown is an author, blogger and relationship educator. If you asked her, “What’s love got to do with it?,” she’d answer without hesitation “Absolutely everything!” As far back as she can remember, Yanni has always been a passionate observer of relationships, intrigued with the dynamics of what works for some and didn’t work for others. She’s taken that passion and has made it a business. Yanni has been featured in Essence, Rolling Out, WCIU’s You and Me This Morning, the Six Brown Chicks blog and Black and Married With Kids. Best know for her appearance on OWN’s Iyanla: Fix My Life, Season 1 (“Fix My Backstabbing Friends”). Visit her at yannibrown.com.
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