As a young man born with Sickle Cell Disease (SCD), growing up in post-sexual revolution America, I felt compelled to quickly experience as much normalcy, connection, and pleasurable experiences as possible.
Because, prior to the information age, little was known about SCD beyond its reoccurring hospitalizations to treat painful crisis’, the harmful accumulative physiological effects of prolonged crisis pain, and short life expectancies.
These realities have lead patients like myself in many directions, but I was personally faced with basically two dramatically different dating choices.
One that postponed dating and the uncomfortable awkwardness, self-consciousness, and uncertainty of dating with a chronic and unpredictable disease. And one that foolishly jumps in headfirst without serious consideration of others or any understanding of the emotional, physical health and self-esteem related consequences.
I jumped right in, mistakenly and regrettably, assuming a life that would consistently hide and deny the reality of my preexisting condition and covered my illnesses and absences with a mountain of lies.
I still remember lying about having sprained arms, legs and back injuries that were the result of “playing sports.” Thankfully, I played enough sports to make some of the lies believable.
And I also sadly remember being on dates while experiencing full-on crisis pain.
I can remember being at a girlfriend’s prom while experiencing full-on crisis pain. I can also remember romantic evenings ending in full-on crisis pain. In fact, there have not been any romantic encounters that were not threatened by
the fear of an untimely and unwelcomed crisis.
I also remember making every excuse in the world to cancel or reschedule dates as a result of being sick.
And oddly enough this horrible blind, selfish, and terrible flawed strategy worked until I met someone with the quality and character of someone deserving of better and I began to question the state of my character and integrity.
The emotionally conflicting dilemma of trying to manage my desire for authentic romantic connection, my chronic disease in secrecy and denial lead to many sleepless nights and ultimately to a break in my character and consciousness.
This break led me in search of a deeper honest understanding and acceptance of my health, my life, my character, and what I wanted in life.
What I began to learn then was if I wanted to attract emotionally healthy people and enjoy healthy romantic relationships, I’d also have to learn how to be healthy and honest enough to cultivate them.
I appreciate everyone that has ever tried to date, love, or help the younger and unhealthy version of myself.
And I regret not being a better partner to them and a better guardian of my health and wellness.
What I’ve learned since is the undeniable importance of embracing every aspect of my life especially since it’s an essential element in achieving sustainable wellness.
To learn more about Adrian Williams and his wellness journey please visit his Facebook and Instagram blog titled The Wellness Revolution Now.
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