This day and age where you can get marred in a drive-through window like you’re ordering a burger (don’t believe me, go to Las Vegas) and where divorces and cheating is all over television, it’s rare you see a couple stay together beyond seven years. Now, factor in if the couple is in the entertainment business, then the rate of divorce is much higher with weddings lasting an average of only three years.
But one of the most-loved Hollywood couples has been doing it now for 20 years and promises to keep it together for another twenty. Duane Martin and Tisha Campbell-Martin were marred in 1996 and haven’t looked back since. Twenty years and two kids later, the couple is still smiling at each other, making jokes about one another and seen getting flirty with each other after all these years.
When asked what it takes to be married for this long, the couple both jump and agree that it’s all about perspective.
“It’s a lot of laughter, it’s a lot of understanding, it’s a lot of — you know — letting the other person be who they are,” explains Tisha. “We always have very positive people around us. People who are opinion leaders, people who hold us accountable for own actions. We really take that seriously.”
“The number one thing is she’s first to her and I’m first to me,” Duane chimes in. “I want her to be who she is and be great. There’s no jealously going on. If I’m asking you to support me and you’re out of gas, that’s a disaster. I need to have a full tank, she needs to have a full tank.”
“There’s a phase you can get into if you’re not careful: The ‘all right, love ya’ phase, where it’s like you’re doing your thing, I’m doing my thing — ‘All right, love ya,’” Tisha says, with a dismissing hand wave. “That’s where a lot of couples get in trouble.”
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The risk, Campbell-Martin explains, is that couples can drift a little too far apart, making their relationship vulnerable to disaster.
“That’s where cheating, divorce, all that stuff comes into play,” she says.
Married for 10 years, Campbell-Martin recently adopted a new approach to her relationship to make sure her own marriage doesn’t reach that dangerous tipping point.
“I just told my husband, ‘You love me, I love you. That’s a given… I want you to like me,’” she says.
With this, Campbell-Martin’s entire relationship has shifted.
“We’re in a whole new sexy phase where it’s like, ‘I want to be your girlfriend,’” she says, flashing a wide smile. “I’m his girlfriend right now and he likes me.”
Don’t get me wrong, the Martin’s had their fair share of issues. One was when their son, Xen, was diagnosed with autism. It had the potential to tear a married couple apart. But as Tisha explains, it was Duane that stepped up to the plate.
“Xen was non-verbal [when he was younger],” explained the star. “He would flap his arms and rock back and forth. He’s never been…
…in a special needs class because I wanted him to model after typical kids and now he’s a typical kid. He has a girlfriend and he is now speaking; you can’t shut him up. He says, ‘I used to be autistic and don’t be telling my girlfriend I used to be autistic either.’ So I’m blessed because we were able to catch it early.”
Duane says, “I didn’t see as this big burden on our relationship. I just saw it as another opponent. What do you have to do and who, what, when, why and how much. Then you figure it out, make a move and give it your best shot.”
“He was my cushion, when I was about to fall hard. I’m just so blessed to have him in my life.
Tisha told Essence that detecting autism early in a child is important and can mean the difference between him or her thriving in society or simply passing along. “We’re definitely not discussing it enough in our communities and there are many reasons why we don’t get diagnosed or we get misdiagnosed,” said Campbell-Martin to the media source. “The thing about autism is that you have to catch it early because then you can exercise the brain enough to try to get the child to their greatest potentiality. But without early intervention, they get stuck in their ways. Of course it’s a spectrum disorder so that’s added into the mix. Everybody gets a different amount and it looks different with every child because every human being is different. Early intervention is key. I can attest to for my child and myself.”
The couple now can be seen on Real Husbands of Hollywood on BET and still run their fine dining restaurant in L.A. named after their first born, also called Xen.
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