Ambition and goals are two separate things, and both are necessary to be successful and to accomplish anything. Having dreams, goals and aspirations is great, but without the follow through driven by your ambition most of what you are aiming for will likely never become reality. This is a difficult thing to work through when the person who is lacking ambition or goals is your significant other.
It’s not as simple as one might think to identify this early on in a relationship, as differentiating between the two can be difficult. In the early stages of a growing relationship it can be relatively easy to be the encourager and cheerleader your partner needs on their road to accomplishment. The downside to this is, if you never see the follow through and the fruits of your support come together, you often will begin to feel overwhelmed with disappointment.
Too many times of having to grab the check on dates, and too many days of wondering when your partner is going to finally accomplish what they set out for can be more than just taxing on any relationship; it simply just gets old.
A lot of women take pride in being the supportive girlfriend or wife of their significant other, and although it can be a gamble, some would argue that there can be a big payoff. A great example of this is former President of the United States Barack Obama. Though he attended Harvard, his job as a city organizer wasn’t likely bringing home the big bucks. Michelle still took a chance on him, as he was a big dreamer with huge goals. President Obama is also a perfect example of a man who dreamed big and put just as much ambition behind those goals.
Another growing issue with women who decide to date men on their rise to the top is…
…the number of men who allow their pride to get in the way of their relationship. Many men can be intimidated by a successful woman. Recently, it was reported that in some cities, namely Atlanta and Memphis, women are making 20 percent more than their male counterparts. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist and expert on gender roles said after studying 40,000 people, “A woman often wants a high-testosterone man, but high-testosterone men are not always attracted to people who are like themselves. It’s a biological problem on top of a social problem.” Basically, men that are highly driven often don’t want a woman who is equally as driven.
So how do you avoid finding yourself in a relationship with someone lacking the amount of ambition and goals needed for you to feel good about where they are headed?
It’s important to have transparent conversations early on. This will help to mitigate any unwanted disappointment down the road. Ask the important questions right out of the gate. What are his goals specifically? Find out if they are long term or short term. What is he currently doing to align those goals with outcomes? Does he have alternative plans if what he is working on doesn’t pan out when or how he would like? How does he feel about you being focused on your current goals and aspirations? Will he have time, energy, and the desire to be just as involved in what you have going on, as he is in his own endeavors?
Most importantly, be honest with yourself. If you must be a support system from the very beginning whether it be financially or emotionally, how long are you willing to be that person? Are you able to put your goals and dreams on the backburner for his? How would that make you feel?
Being honest and transparent upfront are likely the best way to go into these types of relationships. It will result in a lot less heartache down the road.
Beauty and hair maven Naomi Mackenzie is a freelance writer and business consultant. Her passion is to continuously keep up with the ever evolving techniques and topics as it relates to skin and hair, while helping others to embrace their own definition of beauty in a healthy way. Her blog, KissTheChaos (www.KissTheChaos.com) shares both an educated and personal perspective, sought to spark ongoing discussion. Follow her on Instagram at @oOolala_laa and on Facebook here.
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