Although we live in a sexualized society where sex sells practically everything we purchase, talking about sex remains one of the most difficult conversations for lovers to have. As a result of religious dogma and societal standards, many individuals entering into romantic unions have certain reservations about communicating about sex, however research shows that couples who openly talk about sex have better relationships and lead healthier lifestyles overall.
Clinical sexologists and sex therapists recommend that couples learn how to talk about sex in a healthy way to help usher in a sense of comfort when it comes to sexual performance. A common mistake that couples make often when it comes to their sex lives is being silent about things that aren’t comfortable or enjoyable during sex.
Many couples don’t have the knowledge of what language to use when speaking about sex and some members within these unions even have a feeling of embarrassment or shame when it comes to speaking about the act. Sex therapist Kimberly Flemke spoke with the Today Show about the importance communication about sex plays in the health of a relationship. “Open dialogue is essential ,” says Flemke.
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“When I work with couples, they want to change their sex practice or make it better, I will often say ‘Build on past positive experiences’ because sexuality really represents our most vulnerable part,” she said. “If you can approach it in a positive way, a strength-based approach, like ‘I remember when we did that. I loved it. How about we try this?’ It doesn’t make your partner feel inadequate or rejected.”
There isn’t a particular standard that should be used when communicating about sex. The important thing is to be open and honest about desires and disappointments. Talking about sex openly sets the expectation for what is to come and makes couples aware of what areas need to be worked on in order to promote fully satisfying experiences.
Adults have the freedom and right to talk about sex, and there should be no shame held in its expression. Maybe the rap duo Salt-n-Pepa were on to something in the 90’s when they encouraged their listeners to talk about sex.
Visit the BlackDoctor.org Relationships center for more articles.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.sexperttyomi.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.
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