Sexual performance is intimidating in itself without adding on feelings of insecurity that stem from a sexual dysfunction, but communicating a present problem to a partner can be a daunting task. Admitting that there is a possible problem in the bedroom can strike a blow to the ego as well as create distance between partners that can cause the overall relationship to become awkward.
Just as sexual skill must be learned, skills in how to communicate about issues within the sexual relationship must be obtained and adapted as a relationship ages.
So, just how does one go about letting his or her partner know that a dysfunction may be present (dysfunctions include inability to orgasm, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or painful sex upon vaginal entry)? Here are a few tips on how to talk to your partner about sexual issues.
Come to the conversation well-versed.
Before heading into conversation about a sexual dysfunction it is recommended that the sufferer amass as much knowledge about the issue as possible. Chances are the partner receiving this news will have many questions about where this problem derived from and how to alleviate the situation. So to avoid further igniting an already touchy subject, speak with your doctor about the issue and do research on your own to gain a full commanding knowledge about your issue.
Approach the situation calmly without blame.
It’s easy to shift the blame for why an issue exists onto the next person, but instead of pointing the finger at your partner who only has a small part to play in the role of dysfunction, reconcile with the part you play in why the function exists. A persistent health issue, mental blocks or just a lack of education are all reasons why sexual dysfunction may be present within any individual and these are issues that a partner can’t take on by his or herself. When approaching your partner to speak about what the issue may be, choose to speak about it when emotions aren’t so high and when you are able to speak rationally and with clarity. Also, choose to speak in a place that is private and safe for the both of you. Sexual dysfunction isn’t something that many would want to share with strangers or even close family or friends. If it helps, write notes about what you have learned in your research about your dysfunction and bring them into the conversation. If communication remains a difficult, you may need a mediator.
Seek out professional help.
Sometimes facing personal issues can be problematic and in this case a sex therapist, sex coach or another counselor trained in the area of sexuality should be brought into the mix. Having an unbiased third party present to help sort through thoughts to communicate them clearly is the best option for an individual who can’t seem to get his or her message across. Many therapists and coaches work over the telephone or via teleconference through the Internet, so traveling across town to find the right therapist isn’t necessary. Many have websites that provide information for potential clients to make the decision process seamless. Simply Googling “sex therapist” or “sex coach” will produce results.
Sexual dysfunctions are nothing to take lightly, but by approaching conversation with knowledge, easiness and clarity each partner can become confident in the decision-making process to create a healthy and encouraging sexual relationship moving forward.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.sexperttyomi.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.
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