Wouldn’t it be nice to know if and when you’re being lied to? Unfortunately, most humans aren’t very good at detecting lies. Our natural tendency is to trust others. But while it would be unrealistic to analyze every single conversation and interaction for signs of deception, there are times when it really is important to get the straight story.
So, whether it’s your spouse, your friend, your business colleague, even a politician, how can you tell if what someone is saying is less than truthful?
Experts, including police officers, teachers, psychologists, even the FBI, list the seven below clues as some of the most powerful lie-detectors around:
It is known that when a person is being truthful, they will refer to themselves in first-person and subtly proclaim ownership of a statement. So when you are reading an email, look to see if the sender is verbally distancing themselves by using less frequent singular pronouns like “I”, “me”, or “my”. Verbal distancing is the same as nonverbal distancing– “standing back” from the lie that does not represent their true attitude or experience. Examples of these might look like:
“Leaving the garage door open is not what a responsible person would do” vs. “I left the open”
If you know how someone generally sounds or acts (such as they naturally talk fast, etc.), ask them questions you don’t know the answer to. If they abruptly shift from calm to agitated, or even vice versa, they’re probably not telling the truth.
READ: Six Ways to Spot a Pathological Liar…Instantly!
Another sign of deception is known as the “oath”. This is when a person will try to convince you they are not guilty by adding in verbal expressions such as: “I swear”, “cross my heart…”, or “To be honest”. Truth-tellers are more confident in their words and feel that the facts will speak for themselves without having to back their statement up with swearing. If the text or email in question feels a bit off, circle back around and ask questions that can take the topic a bit deeper, this will help with any misunderstandings.
To help figure out if someone is lying, watch their body language. Typical clues include sweating, fidgeting, seeming distracted, or behaving as though they’re nervous or anxious.
If the person you’re corresponding with normally doesn’t text in long well-edited passages, this may seem suspicious. He or she might be…
…correcting their message to make it more convincing. Be especially aware if you can tell in Apple’s iMessage if someone is typing but they haven’t responded in a longer-than-usual fashion.
If they won’t or can’t make and maintain eye contact with you, it’s often a sign of deceit.
If they are looking down, or around (specifically to the right side) then you may want to go back over the story.
Liars’ stories often lack detail, so to spot a liar, push them for specifics.
The more information a liar has to provide, the more likely they are to slip and respond in a way that exposes their dishonesty.
Liars are not only less cooperative and friendly than people telling the truth, they also tend to make more negative statements and complaints.
READ: Communication Habits That End Relationships
Ask most people certain questions, and they have to pause to think about it. So, when someone seems to respond a little too effortlessly, with zero hesitation, it points to the possibility of a dishonest, and rehearsed response.
To sell someone on the integrity of their answers, liars often use phrases that emphasize the validity of their statements, like “to tell the truth” and “to be perfectly honest.” Most truthful people have no need to do this.
Experts agree that good human lie detectors learn to develop, and listen to, their intuition. They figure out how a person might think or feel, if they are lying in a particular situation, as opposed to someone who is telling the truth. They then look for behavioral indications of those thoughts or feelings.
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