If you’re in a serious relationship, arguments will certainly happen. What happens when you say something that you can never come back from? Was there a way to avoid it beforehand? Could you have made that argument actually productive and learn something new from it?
The answer is yes. There is always room to grow and to learn from our mistakes. Check out these 6 ways to make everyday arguments productive:
Listen for understanding, not just to respond.
When you’re arguing with your significant other, things can go downhill fast. Each person already knows the other’s faults, insecurities, and past. Those are the very things that will cut them deep. Next time you get into an argument, listen for understanding and not just to respond.
If you’re listening just to reply with an even harsher comeback, the argument will never end. If they’re saying “you always leave the toilet seat up”. If you listen to understand, what they’re really saying is “I’m not comfortable using the bathroom that way”. Always take “you” out of the situation and replace it with “I”. You will start to look at all your arguments a lot more differently.
Ask genuine questions to get the root of the cause.
If you genuinely do not understand where the other is coming from, break the situation down. Get to the root of the cause by climbing through the yelling and screaming by questioning what is really making them act out in this way. You may find that the argument is actually stemming from something much more greater and heavier on their heart than you just forgetting to grab them coffee on your way home.
Walk away to process your thoughts.
Let’s be honest, some arguments can get really heated. If you know yourself and you’re boiling by the minute, simply leave before things escalate. Take time to yourself to really cool down before coming back into the situation.
Turn your frustration into empathy.
It’s important to really try to decipher what started the argument in the first place. A lot of the time you will find that the start of the argument was something that was intended to be helpful or came from a place of concern. We may not always receive things the way we want them to, wrapped up in a bow, but if we turn that miscommunication into understanding, you can certainly turn an argument into a productive one.
Remember you love them.
When things get tough, just try to remember you love them and the reasons why. Taking a quick second to think back to those reasons could save an argument from truly getting out of hand.
Always hug it out.
You’ve argued it out and came to an understanding, now what? Always hug it out to make peace, because that’s what it’s all about in the end. It’s all out of love.
Tia Muhammad, BS, is an award-winning freelance content & media creative, copywriter, blogger, digital designer, and marketing consultant. She owns the boutique content and digital media company, jackieGLDN|studio.
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