What is Gaslighting? And is it Happening to You?

The term “gaslighting” is one that has been heard more often when it comes to our relationships, but do we really know what it means and its dangers?

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is considered a form of manipulation connected to abusive relationships. The term “gaslighting” comes from an old play and movie with similar themes about manipulation.

Gaslighting is considered a secret or covert type of emotional abuse, which usually takes place in romantic relationships but can be seen in our relationships with family and friends.

How Gaslighting Works

When gaslighting occurs, the abuser or bully in the relationship misleads their target with false narratives, leading the target to question reality and their own judgment. 

The target, or victim, begins to feel they are losing touch with their sanity and becomes unsure about their perceptions of the world.

RELATED: 7 Signs They’re Lying To You

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Gaslighting Examples

Examples of gaslighting include, but are not limited to:

• You second-guess yourself because your significant other left you wondering if something is wrong with you.
• A controlling friend who makes you question your memories or recent events, causing you to feel guilty or dazed about said memories and events.
• A sibling blaming you for something that occurred, making you question your actions and perceptions.

To many of us, these examples may sound familiar; maybe we have been in the position of being the abuser or bully.

Whatever role we have played in such scenarios, we may still question if these situations are serious.

Gaslighting is serious because of the confusion and effect it has on one’s overall mental health and self-worth. Gaslighting can lead one to……experience depression and anxiety, leading to addictions and thoughts of suicide.

Warning Signs of Gaslighting

There are many warning signs of gaslighting, including:

• Apologizing often for something you feel you did or for who you are as a person.
• Confusion – Your abuser and their behavior become more confusing to you.
• Disappointment in oneself – You feel passive and weak; you assume others are disappointed in you too.
• Doubting reality and your feelings – You may question if something happening is real or if you are being too sensitive.
• Feeling alone – You feel isolated because your abuser convinces you that you are different (unstable, weird, etc.).
• Feeling insecure or vulnerable – You lack self-esteem and feel on edge around the abuser in the relationship.
• Impending doom – You always feel like something will go wrong when your abuser is in your presence.
• Questioning your judgment – You begin to stay silent because openly sharing makes you feel afraid or bad.
• Questioning your sensitivity – Your abuser minimizes hurtful comments to you, which you question yourself about.
• Second-guessing yourself and your decision-making.
• You begin believing the accusations against you – You start repeating statements made to you by your abuser accusing you of being inadequate or unintelligent.
• You wonder what is wrong with you.

RELATED: 9 Signs To Help You Decide to Leave (or Stay)

How To Respond to Gaslighting

If you see these signs in your relationships, particularly with your family members and close friendships, address them with the individuals and let them know you will remove yourself from the relationship(s).

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Taking yourself out of the scenario of being manipulated, lied to, or treated harshly is the best first step for you and your wellbeing.

This is especially true in friendships and relationships in which you have chosen to be a part of.

With family, because of the blood relationship, it may seem more difficult to pull yourself away from being in a gaslighting scenario, which is why it is important to try to address it with them first.

If nothing appears to change after that point, you have the right to step away for your own protection and sanity.

READ THIS: 5 Signs You’re In A Healthy Relationship

Final Words

Regardless of the relationship, you may have difficulty addressing the gaslighting or even separating yourself from the situation. Whatever the case, and because of not even realizing what effects gaslighting may have had on you, seeking professional help immediately is advised. Your doctor or a medical professional can help you by recommending a counselor to assist you.